Casual Entropy

*anything but casual

Favorites

Archive

Author: Nicholas Chapin

  • Just crushing beeeers

    Just crushing beeeers

    At what point does a bar become a persons favorite bar. I have recently read that bars are in fact starting to die out as the younger generations prefer to live a life free of alcohol, and more too them, what ever third space seems to call to you do so; but for those of us still around, still interested in my question, stick with me for a moment. I remember years ago, 2022-ish I think, going with my friend to meet up with some friends and friends of friends in a local Denver park and listened to girl tell me her favorite bar was the Dirks Bentley Whiskey Bar in LoDo Denver, a place that is neither Country, Whiskey, or even a Bar, as it really is, and I mean look this up if you don’t trust me, equal parts ‘state college fraternity back yard during pledge week’ meets club for 18 year olds. Wrap the whole thing in a bow where the only music playing is country hip hop and whose tables, floor, furniture, and bathrooms are all somehow the same level of ‘sticky’. I will admit, she was cute and I was looking for some form of connection given my current dry spell from physical or emotional connection, but I simply didn’t have the guts to tell her I hated her favorite bar. In fact as of me writing this I STILL hate that bar.

    When I hear Dirks Bentley Whiskey Bar, I cant help but think ‘Democratic Peoples Republic of North Korea’, all things in that statement being false except for the words North Korea.

    But once again I am not here to bash on a place that having been only once and paid 12 dollars for a Coors light to then have within a minute, a drunk early 20 something year old bump into me and spill onto me the contents of his tiny foam cup (which by the smell was menthol flavored tobacco spit chew mixture) was enough for me to realize I may end up being the first person, but maybe not last person, to murder a stranger in Dirks Bentley Whiskey Bar.

    I was more curious as to why it was her favorite bar. She responded she liked the country music they played (my brain recalling a couple hours of 2021 Lil Nas X, Jack Harlow, and Cardi B playing into the night) her love of the decor (me thinking to the open condom wrapper inside the hole of a cornhole platforms outside when another friend pointed it out to me after having said touched condom wrapper by accident), and then her statement of the “cheap drinks”. Once again, flabbergasted at paying NFL Stadium price for a slightly cold, 12 oz Coors light, only to respond to the bartender that I only wanted ONE with accompanying finger in the air when they said it was 12 dollars.

    But it was her favorite bar. I then followed up with a question I think is actually an important one when faced with someone who I think did not quite grasp my question. If you had friends come into town, where would you take them to get a drink. In which case she once again responded, Dirks Bentley Whiskey Bar, because its so much fun, and that we should go there some time. I am sure you have already guessed the answer I gave, while polite, due to my previous feelings on the location. I did however invite her to my favorite bar.

    For me this bar is both the bar I take people to when they visit from out of town, and also in general my favorite bar. It has food, good food too, which makes it all the better, but it leans into its grime and divey-ness which takes all illusion of the experience of being high end out, and focuses on easy, simple, and unassuming.

    Vesper Lounge in Denver Colorado. Right off Grant and 7th street in CapHill. It holds some of my favorite memories with friends and loved ones. It is even where I held my going away party before leaving to move to Mexico. Cheap beers, cheaper whiskey, and an energy about the whole place that is kind and fun.

    I have a few stories about my favorite bar, maybe ones I will share if and when I am back there. But I do hope one day you visit my favorite bar.

    *The service is slow and you will finish your first drink before they get close to coming to get your second order. I suggest ordering two of whatever you get when you snag the servers. Its cheap, don’t worry.

  • Broken Branch

    Broken Branch

    The most peculiar thing happens when you tell people you don’t want children. First their head tilts slightly to the side. You know, the way puppy dogs do when they see something that interests them but they are not sure what it is exactly is they are looking at. The next phrase out of their mouth tends to be something along the lines of “are you not able to” or “you mean right now?” or even “that’s a joke, right?” or, and this one has been fairly new given my relationship status “do you not love our daughter?”

    The idea that love can be predicated on having a child with another person astounds me, especially when coming from individuals who have at that moment been divorced for longer than they were together with their partner. Sadly though, a part of me can understand some of these peoples points of view when stating this. Having a child with another individual is the most base action of being a human being. Continuing the legacy by mixing genetic code. But again, when it comes from certian people, once you add the factor of your divorce from the individual you shared children with, then can you really use the argument of not loving the other by not having children with them?

    I know that I am not 100% on not having a child. I would say I am around 97% sure. And its not that I don’t think that I couldn’t give that child or kid a father that would be proud and loving of them. I know that part I could accomplish i That to me is the easy part. The hard part is everything else around right now. I know its a little cheap to be blaming the world, but I have not felt confident about this planet since I was in the 8th grade. Match that up with the fact I have never really wanted children and that’s how one gets close to the 97% I am at. A lot that is not in my control would have to change for there to be a chance of me changing my mind. Let alone reversing the visectomy I got.

    I will say that my siblings having multiple children, my brother and sister haveing just had their second child each, entering our gorwing and loving families and relationships, makes this lifestyle of mine all that much easier. I can be the fun uncle. The one who helps provide for the children already in my life. But for some strange reason, still, a lot of people find it hard to understand. How could I not want a house full of little ones running around?

    By now I have had a long time of answering most of peoples questions. Especially those who are driven about changing my mind. Which is interesting because it tends to come from those who:

    A) Have not done all that great of a job raising their current children they have.

    B) Do not have any children.

    C) Whose relationships with their family, partner, and or others, are shaky/strained, at best.

    And I think that it has taken me a while to learn that maybe the reason they are so driven to get me to have a child is because they themselves have this idea of what a child does. That this mythical idea of a perfect child, relationship with child, or want to have raised a great child, is what pushes them still.

    And I think only now am I starting to realize that when I tell someone that I do not plan on having a child, most will do their best to turn the conversation into a form of an argument, something I do enjoy, rather than just a conversation. But that too is starting to change.

    I recently had this discussion with a person I know who is raising their child, in a loving relationship, and when I told them I was not wanting children they said to me, “That’s sad, I think you would make a great dad, you have a lot to share. But I get it, not everyone wants a kid.”

    And that was the end of the discussion. He did not need to pry as to why, or have to understand every point I was trying to make, or say to me that I will regret this decision for life. But heard me fully, and simply understood.

    I am happy though that I am starting to realize things in my life are not needing to be arguments to be won or lost. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. I think its maybe our best action as a human, to try and change someone’s mind when it is not agreeable with our own. But somehow there is a shift that when your life is on track and you are feeling complete, the want to change a persons mind softens and the need falls by the way side. You can simply say you get them and move on.

    So who knows. Maybe in 10 years from now things will have changed enough children can be a thing in my life. Or that having a child while may not be my life goal may be my partners in lifes goal. And that does not mean I should not be a part of it some way. Espeically considering I would do everything to help raise that child.

    I guess I just hope that if anyone ends up reading this and too wonders if its okay to not want children because of any reason that I say it is. A total random stranger who you do not know. But a stranger who can say they get it. They understand where you may be in your mind. That you are not alone and that, what can at times feel like an endless barrage of individuals hounding you over your choice may never stop. But maybe just listen to them and do with that what you want. Not feel as thought it is an attack to you thought it may feel like it. But also if you are stead fast to not fall to those who want to argue with you about it. To instead understand their motives are simply different.

    *while writting this my brother had is second child. I met my new nephew and my brother nammed him after my. First and middle name. His chidlren now have the names of him and me. Brothers who will grow up with brothers. It is the deepest honor I have and feel like I will ever receive.